Songs from My Childhood

It’s taken me eight solid days to compile this list…and I can’t lie, I’m relieved I’m finally finished!  It’s mostly for my own reference, so I wanted it to be comprehensive.  I went through our old cassette tapes, kids movies, my mom’s CD collection, and brainstormed like whoa, and I am finally ready to release this soundtrack to my childhood.    So, without further adieu…

Lullabies and Kids Songs

“Rock-a-bye Baby”

“Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”

“Mary Had a Little Lamb”

“The Alphabet Song”

“A-a-apple Phonics Song” by Sue Dickson

This is probably one of the first songs I ever learned.  Taught me the alphabet as well as phonics.  We had the whole thing tacked up on the wall and we’d walk around singing it just like the little girl in the video.  D’aww!

“Happy Birthday to You”

“Happy Birthday to You” – Variation

This snarky version of the Birthday song was taught to me at Sunday School by some boys.  Naturally. 

“The Itsy Bitsy Spider”

“I’m a Little Teapot”

“Old MacDonald Had a Farm”

“Bingo”

“Row, Row, Row Your Boat”

“London Bridge is Falling Down”

Growing up, I thought it was “London Bridges Falling Down”.  heh heh  But me and my friends played this game/sang the song a lot. 

“This Old Man”

“Three Little Fishies” by Kay Kyser

“There’s a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea”

“There’s a Hole in the Bucket”

When I was around four, my mom was babysitting another little kid, and at lunch he started singing this song to my mom, because there was a hole in his sandwich.  “There’s a hole in my sandwich, Mrs. ______, Mrs. ______!” 

“The Water Buffalo Song” from VeggieTales

“I Love You” from Barney and Friends

“Michael Finnegan” from Barney and Friends

“John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt” from Barney and Friends

“99 Bottles of Coke”

TV Show Themes

“The Song That Doesn’t End” from Lamb Chop’s Play-Along

“Where in The World is Carmen Sandiego” by Rockapella

Quigley’s Village Theme

My brother and I used to hum this to each other to put ourselves to sleep when we were little. 

The Gospel Bill Show Theme

Reading Rainbow Theme

Barney and Friends Theme

Touched by an Angel Theme

Oldies

“Limbo Rock” by Chubby Checker

“Downtown” by Petula Clark

The two songs above are ones I distinctly remember skating and roller blading to at Skate City as a kid.  *sniffle*  Great memories.

“I Want To Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles

I remember this song coming over the air waves in a Taco Bell when I was young, and my Mom freaking out and telling us she used to be in love with Paul McCartney.  One of my first introductions to non-Christian music.  heh heh

Christian Songs / Artists

Michael W. Smith is my favorite singer, and I grew up with a lot of his earlier songs on cassette tapes.  I re-discovered him as a tween and have been in love ever since.  These are songs of his I remember from childhood…

“Nothin’ But The Blood” by Michael W. Smith

“Agnus Dei” by Michael W. Smith

“Great is the Lord” by Michael W. Smith

“Lamu” by Michael W. Smith

“My Place in This World” by Michael W. Smith

“Love Crusade” by Michael W. Smith

“Cross My Heart” by Michael W. Smith

“Hand of Providence” by Michael W. Smith

“The Throne” by Michael W. Smith

“I’ll Be Around” by Michael W. Smith

“Awesome God” by Michael W. Smith

Keith Green’s voice can still bring me to tears, even though I’ve drifted far from my Christian upbringing.  His songs will always have a very special place in my heart.

“Your Love Broke Through” by Keith Green

“No One Believes in Me Anymore” by Keith Green

“Because of You” by Keith Green

“Lies” by Keith Green

“You are the One” by Keith Green

“He’ll Take Care of the Rest” by Keith Green

“You” by Keith Green

“Oh Lord, You’re Beautiful” by Keith Green

These are some of the worship songs ingrained in my memory from age five and under…

“Lift Jesus Higher” by Vineyard from You Are Here/Hosanna

“Hosanna” by Vineyard from You Are Here/Hosanna

“It’s Your Blood” by Vineyard from You Are Here/Hosanna

“Wounded Soldier” by Danny Daniels (originally from You Are Here/Hosanna)

“I Believe in Jesus” by Marc Nelson from Change My Heart Oh God

“Hosanna” by Carl Tuttle from Change My Heart Oh God

“Refiner’s Fire” by Brian Doerksen from Change My Heart Oh God

“More Love, More Power” by Keith Matten

Twila Paris is a voice I grew up on, along with Kelly Willard and so many others.  My favorite Twila Paris songs are from her Christmas album, which you’ll find further down.  I can never get over how clear and beautiful her voice is.

“We Will Glorify” by Twila Paris

“He is Exalted” by Twila Paris

“Run To You” by Twila Paris

“The Warrior is a Child” by Twila Paris

“We Bow Down” by Twila Paris

I don’t remember many songs directly from the sibling band 2^nd Chapter of Acts, but I definitely remember Matthew Ward’s voice as a staple of my later childhood.  I love his harmonies, and his album My Redeemer is full of some of my favorite worship songs.  My teenaged brother recognized him in a store once and tickled him pink by knowing who he was, decades after the Jesus Music craze. 

“Easter Song” by 2^nd Chapter of Acts

“Takin’ the Easy Way” by 2^nd Chapter of Acts

“To the King” by Matthew Ward

“My Redeemer” by Matthew Ward

“There is a Redeemer” by Matthew Ward

“All That I Am” by Annie Herring

Cheri Keaggy’s first album came out when I was eight years old.  It was a constant in our house, and I find the music very calming, now.

“Make My Life an Altar” by Cheri Keaggy

“Worship Medley: We Have Come To Worship Him / There is Joy in the Lord” by Cheri Keaggy

“Little Boy On His Knees” by Cheri Keaggy

I was surprised to find so many Amy Grant songs conjuring up memories of the past, but I guess the truth is, my parents had more of her tapes than Michael W. Smith’s.    These are my favorites from her, though I snipped a half-dozen more off the list that I clearly remember from childhood.

“El Shaddai” by Amy Grant

“Thy Word” by Amy Grant

“Stay for Awhile” by Amy Grant

“Takes a Little Time” by Amy Grant

“Baby Baby” by Amy Grant

“Lead Me On” by Amy Grant

“Emmanuel” by Amy Grant

“Love Will Find a Way” by Amy Grant

“Everywhere I Go” by Amy Grant

“Father’s Eyes” by Amy Grant

“Big Yellow Taxi” by Amy Grant

“Willing Heart” by Kelly Willard

“I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb” by Ray Boltz

“We Are the Reason” by David Meece

“A Song in the Night” by Silverwind

“Amazing Grace” by Judy Collins

“Gospel Train” from Smoky Mountain Sunday

“The Coloring Song” by Petra

“Fight the Fight” from Fight the Fight: Rescue the Unborn

“Oh the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus”

When I was growing up, this was my mom’s favorite hymn, and we often sang it in house church.  It always filled me with a sense of awe.

“From The Rising Of The Sun”

I honestly never heard a recorded version of this song, so I’m just linking the only one I found that has the same melody and lyrics I grew up with.  t.s.d. used to play guitar and sing this song, often at night while my brother and I were falling asleep.  When we got older we used to sing it to each other from our rooms as we were going to bed.

“Be Bold, Be Strong”

“Somebody’s Prayin’”

“He Knows My Name”

“Mighty Is Our God”

Christian Kids Songs

“Tree Song” by Evie

This song always comes to mind when I think of Christian kids music.  It was my favorite slow song as a kid, and it still makes me sniffle now when I listen to it.  Evie’s voice is so pretty.

“Knock, Knock, Knock” from Bullfrogs and Butterflies

This was my number one favorite song as a kid.  I could have sung it all day long.  I even remember the first time I heard it.  I was less than five years old, being babysat at a friend’s house, and we were jumping on a little rebounder and rewinding the song over and over and jumping to it until we couldn’t breathe. 

“Wake Up, You Sleepyhead” by Rhett Parrish from Brentwood Kids Company Sampler

This song drove t.s.d. nuts, but my brother and I used to love it when we were little.

“John 1:1, 2, & 14” from G.T. and the Halo Express

“Heaven is a Wonderful Place” from Kids Praise 1

“Lord Be Glorified” from Kids Praise 2

“Welcome to Critter County” by Christine Wyrtzen from Critter County

“Deep and Wide”

“Oh, How I Love Jesus”

“I Have Decided to Follow Jesus”

We used to have a thick white hardcover book and a cassette tape that went by this name.  I don’t remember much about them other than it was a bunch of kids running around singing this song.  But I can’t find it anywhere, so if anyone has any idea what it was, I’d love to know. 

Instrumentals

“I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing”

My Grandma gave me a Cardinal music box that played this song when I was very young.  It broke and I never knew what the song was until probably fifteen years later, when a Coca-Cola commercial from the 70’s was played during a football game and I recognized it.

“Teddy Bears’ Picnic”

This song plays in a little pink music box I’ve had since I was four or five.  It’s one of my favorite possessions.  I lost the little bear that rotated inside the music box on the street once, and it got run over by a car.  But a few years later, we found one that matched exactly!  He has a little red bowtie.    My box is so old, I’m almost afraid to play it now, but it still sounds as good as it ever did!  I love it so much and sometimes it can still make me cry.

“Music Box Dancer” by Frank Mills

I remember being four or five years old and always seeing the sheet music to this song sitting on our old Kincaid piano.  We had two versions – one was Easy Piano, the other was a bit more difficult.  Mom didn’t know how to play the piano but she loved this song, so she used to work on learning it.  She would get pretty good, then not play it for a few years, then try to learn again.  It’s been a long time since she asked to play the piano in my room, but I have heard her listening to the song on YouTube in her room every once in awhile.  This song makes me feel happy and sad at the same time, but I really love it.  It’s very sweet and pretty…simple, yet when I play it I want to hear it over and over.

“Reveille”

My brother and I used to whistle this at each other in the mornings alllllll the time. 

“Devotion” by Hadley Hockensmith

The entire Heartsongs album by Hadley Hockensmith is like a lullaby to me.  It pretty much reduces me to nostalgic tears every single time.  I adore it.

“Pachelbel’s Canon in D” by Lee Galloway

Piano Songs I Played

“Mary Had a Little Lamb”

This was the very first song I learned on the piano, when I was four or five.  My mom taught it to me.  Sometime after that, I started lessons, which continued into my early teens.

“Malaguena”

Definitely one of my favorite songs I learned as a kid, this is probably what started my love of Spanish music.

“Light and Blue”

Easy as heck but still one of my favorite songs to play.  I’ve known this since I was six years old.

“Heart and Soul”

Some friends from Texas visited us when my brother and I were young, and taught us to play this duet.  A few years later when I was around twelve, we met a girl who could play the duet alone.  Naturally, my brother and I wouldn’t be shown up by some girl, so we both taught ourselves to do the same. 

“Autumn Glow”

Beautiful and heart-rendingly sad, I absolutely love this song.

“Staccato Caprice”

So fun to play, and easy to jazz up and add things to, as is the previous “Light and Blue”.  I’ve always played this about ten times faster than the girl in the video.    hehe

“Now Do We Fight Them” by Bruce Rowland from Return to Snowy River (2:30-4:30)

For Bertha.

“The Knuckle Song”

“Ten Little Indians”

“The Purple Cow”

Christmas Songs

“O Holy Night” by Twila Paris and Matthew Ward

It’s been a tradition that this is the first Christmas song we play every year, while decorating the house.  It always makes Mom get teary-eyed and it has become one of my favorite Christmas songs, as well.

“Hallelujah Chorus” by Twila Paris

“I Saw Three Ships” by Twila Paris

“The Promise” by Michael Card

“Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song)” by Amy Grant

“Tennessee Christmas” by Amy Grant

“Christmas is a Time to Love” from Psalty’s Christmas Calamity

“The Little Drummer Boy” from Kids’ Christmas Sing-a-long

“I’m Gonna Wrap Myself Up for Christmas” from Psalty’s Family Christmas Sing-a-long

“Go Tell It on the Mountain”

“All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth”

The rest are songs featured in movies, or film scores…

Animal Movies

“The Ride” etc. by Carmine Coppola from The Black Stallion (37:30 to 44:20)

“Together Again” by Georges Delerue from The Black Stallion Returns

Black Beauty Theme by Danny Elfman

Beautiful music from a very sad and touching horse movie. 

“Roll Over Beethoven” by Paul Shaffer & The World’s Most Dangerous Band, featured in Beethoven

“Will You Be There” by Michael Jackson from Free Willy

I remember playing with my friend Lindsey to this song as the whales breached and splashed onscreen.  We would put our arms up like we were diving, and “pshhh” and splash all over the living room. 

“Born Free” by Matt Monro from Born Free

I loved this movie when I was little, and I named one of my early stuffed animals after the lioness.  However, I also loved The Lion King, so I named her for that, as well…  The result?  Elsa Nala…

Animated Movies

“Looking For Romance (I Bring You a Song)” by Cast from Bambi

A lot of the music from Bambi scared me when I was very little, but this piece is really beautiful and swayful. 

“I Just Can’t Wait to be King” by Jason Weaver, Laura Williams, and Rowan Atkinson from The Lion King

Still my favorite Disney movie.  It was so hard to choose a song, but I decided to go with the songs that were my favorites as a child, or that made the deepest impression on me at that age, and this was the one. 

“Friend Like Me” by Robin Williams from Aladdin

“Forget About Love” by Liz Callaway, Gilbert Gottfried, and Brad Kane from The Return of Jafar

“Cruella De Vil” by Bill Lee from 101 Dalmatians

“Goodbye May Seem Forever” by Jeanette Nolan from The Fox and the Hound

This song made my four year old self shiver with tears I tried so very hard to hold back.  It still breaks me up when I listen to it.

“Be Our Guest” by Jerry Orbach and Angela Lansbury from Beauty and the Beast

“Let Me Be Your Wings” by Gary Imhoff and Jodi Benson from Thumbelina

“A Fair is a Veritable Schmorgasboard-orgasboard-orgasboard” by Agnes Moorehead and Paul Lynde from Charlotte’s Web

I have a different favorite song from Charlotte’s Web now, but when I was little, the above was the funnest, and therefore, my favorite.  hehe

“Heigh-Ho” by Cast from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

My brother and I used to pretend we were dwarfs.    He was Doc and I switched between Dopey and Bashful.

End Credits by Bruce Broughton from The Rescuers Down Under

“I Wanna Be Like You” by Louis Prima, Phil Harris, and Bruce Reitherman from The Jungle Book

“Ev’rybody Wants To Be A Cat” by Cast from The Aristocats

Kids Movies

“Let’s Get Together” by Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills from The Parent Trap

“I Get Around” by The Beach Boys, featured in Flight of the Navigator

“Let’s Go Fly a Kite” by Cast from Mary Poppins

I remember being sublimely happy, singing this song to myself as I played on the swings at my friend’s house.  *sniffles* 

“A Place of My Own” by Jennifer Edwards from Heidi

“Kindle My Heart” by Liesel Matthews from A Little Princess

“We Are the Champions” by Queen, featured in The Mighty Ducks

Western Movies

“Jessica’s Theme” by Bruce Rowland from The Man from Snowy River

I grew up watching this and the following film, and the music is some of my favorite in the world.  I learned many of the songs on piano before the age of ten, and even my teacher struggled to get through them at first.  Extremely beautiful, sometimes sad, and often intricate, I will always love Bruce Rowland’s scores.

“Skill at Arms” by Bruce Rowland from Return to Snowy River

“Gunfight at the O.K. Corral” by Frankie Laine from Gunfight at the O.K. Corral

As a kid, I loved this song so much that I hand-wrote all the lyrics as I played and rewound the VHS over and over. 

“El Dorado” by George Alexander from El Dorado

I couldn’t find the score by Nelson Riddle, though that is what I loved best from El Dorado when I was young – the suspenseful music as they’re walking down either side of the street!

Theme by Elmer Bernstein from The Magnificent Seven

Theme by Elmer Bernstein from The Sons of Katie Elder

“Here’s to the Ladies” by Frankie Avalon (originally by Frankie Avalon and Chill Wills from The Alamo)

“I’ll Take You Home Again Kathleen” by Ken Curtis from Sons Of The Pioneers, featured in Rio Grande

I love this song, it’s so sad and beautiful!

Old Movies

“Baby Elephant Walk” by Henry Mancini from Hatari!

Still one of my favorites to play on piano.

“Prelude” by Elmer Bernstein from The Ten Commandments

“The Galley” by Miklos Rozsa from Ben-Hur

Oh God, the suspense and tension of this scene in Ben-Hur is only topped by the incredible chariot race!  They just don’t make music or movies like this, anymore…

“Ave Caesar” by Miklos Rozsa from Quo Vadis

“Legend and Epilogue” by Miklos Rozsa from El Cid (1:45)

“In The Meadow” by Debbie Reynolds from How The West Was Won

I didn’t realize until about a year ago, but I absolutely adore Debbie Reynold’s voice, and it’s partially due to this song, and mostly due to her singing in Charlotte’s Web.  I started tearing up when I re-watched this movie, and didn’t understand why.  Her voice just touches something deep inside me.  When I researched her name, I discovered she was the voice of Charlotte. 

“Amen” by Jester Hairston (dubbing Sidney Poitier) from Lilies of the Field

This did it, I’ve had a soft spot for hand-clappin’ black church music ever since! 

Musicals / Shows

“Barn Dance” by Gene de Paul from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

This is one of my all-time favorite movies, and it was so hard to choose a favorite song.  In the end, I thought back to how I felt about this movie as a little kid, and the barn dance and fight were unquestionably my most favorite part! 

“Do Re Mi” by Julie Andrews and Cast from The Sound of Music

“Mandy” by Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney from White Christmas

This is hands-down my favorite Christmas movie ever, and this sequence is the most exciting part!  I used to sneak around the house with my little heart belt cinched tight past all the holes, dancing around like a goon pretending I was Vera-Ellen. 

“Riverdance” with Michael Flatley from Riverdance

“You’ve Got to Pick a Pocket or Two” by Ron Moody from Oliver!

“It’s the Hard-Knock Life” by Aileen Quinn from Annie

Christian Movies

“Give it Away” from Colby’s Missing Memory (6:33-9:13)

Christian Beach Boys rip-off at it’s best! 

“God’s Love is the Rule” from The Donut Man

My first introduction to rap. 

“The Recipe Song” from Kid’s Praise 4! – Singsational Servants

“Cares Chorus” from Kids’ Praise 5 – Psalty’s Camping Adventure

“I am a C-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n” from The Sunday Sing-a-Long Video (Maranatha! Kids) (21:41-23:18)

Definitely one of my favorite songs when I was in Sunday School at like, age four.  *giggles*  It just gets faster and faster and faster and oh my gosh, it’s so funnnn! 

Misc. Movies

“Johnny Has Gone for a Soldier” by Mark O’Connor and James Taylor from Liberty!

I finally figured out why I love James Taylor’s voice.    It’s because I grew up listening to this song and loving it!

“M’appari tutt’amor” by Friedrich von Flotow, featured in Skylark

This song is in a very touching scene in the movie Skylark, with Glenn Close, and I just love it.  I have three or four versions. 

Movies from My Childhood

As I mentioned in an earlier Childhood post, my family didn’t own a TV until I was around four years old.  Some of the first movies I remember ever watching were Bambi, the Disney movie, of course; Stagecoach, the first movie John Wayne and John Ford worked together on; and Phar Lap, an Australian movie about a racehorse.

These are other movies that I loved, or remember from childhood…

Animal Movies

The Black Stallion

The Black Stallion Returns

Misty

Black Beauty

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey

Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco

Beethoven

Free Willy

Iron Will

Milo & Otis

Pete’s Dragon

Born Free

National Velvet

Babe

The Three Lives of Thomasina

Into the West

Where the Red Fern Grows

Animated Movies

The Lion King

Aladdin

The Return of Jafar

101 Dalmatians

The Fox and the Hound

Beauty and the Beast

Thumbelina

Charlotte’s Web

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

The Rescuers

The Rescuers Down Under

The Jungle Book

The Aristocats

Kids Movies

The Parent Trap

Flight of the Navigator

Mary Poppins

The Journey of Natty Gann

Heidi

Toby Tyler, or Ten Weeks with a Circus

Shipwrecked

A Little Princess

The Mighty Ducks

D2: The Mighty Ducks

D3: The Mighty Ducks

The NeverEnding Story

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

E.T.

Angels in the Outfield

A Cry in the Wild

Westerns

The Man from Snowy River

Return to Snowy River

Gunfight at the O.K. Corral

El Dorado

True Grit

The Magnificent Seven

Shane

McLintock!

Broken Lance

The Rare Breed

The Sons of Katie Elder

The Man from Utah

‘Neath Arizona Skies

Riders of Destiny

Overland Stage Raiders

Gunsmoke Collector’s Edition – Matt Gets It, Tap Day for Kitty, Hack Prine, and The Killer

The Alamo

Old Movies

Hatari!

The Ten Commandments

Ben-Hur

Quo Vadis

El Cid

The Bible

Across the Great Divide

Musicals / Shows

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

The Sound of Music

White Christmas

Riverdance

Brigadoon

Oliver!

Annie

Christian Movies

Gingerbrook Fare – Obedience

Colby’s Missing Memory

The Donut Hole – Jesus Shows Us God’s Love

Kid’s Praise! 4 – Singsational Servants!

Kids’ Praise! 5 – Psalty’s Camping Adventure

Gerbert – The World Around Us

Gerbert – Created for Good Works

Sunday Sing-a-Long Video (Maranatha! Kids)

The ButterCream Gang

The ButterCream Gang in Secret of Treasure Mountain

Children’s Bible Story of Jesus – The Resurrection

Children’s Heroes of the Bible – Joseph & his Coat of Many Colors

The Greatest Adventure – The Miracles of Jesus

Books from My Childhood Part 2

Part 2 of Books from My Childhood lists book series that I read, or that were read to me, as a child. 

Agapeland Character Builders (pictured above)

Peter Rabbit and Friends by Beatrix Potter

The Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner

The Mandie Books by Lois Gladys Leppard

Grandma’s Attic by Arleta Richardson

Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder

In Search of Perlas Grandes and its sequel, The Indian’s Ruby by Timothy C. Davis

Elsie Dinsmore by Martha Finley

The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis

All of Marguerite Henry’s horse novels (most notably, Misty of Chincoteague and its sequels)

Books from My Childhood Part 1

I love reading and writing, and being read to is no exception.  The following list are picture books from my childhood, books that I read, or books that were read to me, as a toddler or little kid.    Part 2 will be about book series.

El Blanco: The Legend of the White Stallion by Rutherford Montgomery

Christian Mother Goose Tales by Marjorie Ainsborough Decker

If You Give A Mouse A Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff, illustrated by Felicia Bond

I’ll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm

The Little Lamb by Judy Dunn

Rhubarb by Stephen Cosgrove, illustrated by Robin James

Gossamer by Stephen Cosgrove, illustrated by Wendy Edelson

Exploring the Titanic by Robert D. Ballard

Little Peep by Jack Kent

The Tale of Three Trees by Angela Elwell Hunt, illustrated by Tim Jonke

Village Tales (Firefly the Foal, Geronimo Grub, Twinette the Spider, and Tuppence and Tiffany) retold by Pat Wynnejones, illustrated by Sheila Ratcliffe

Hedgerow Tales (Benjamin Bee, Charlotte the Caterpillar, Jeremy Cricket, and Robin Redbreast) retold by Pat Wynnejones, illustrated by Sandra Fernandez

Kirby Koala – I’m Thankful For… by Ruth Silverstein, illustrated by Norma Garris

Pandy and the Little Bird by Oda Taro

It’s Groundhog Day! by Steven Kroll, illustrated by Jeni Bassett

Toothbrush the Dog by Bonnie Wilkerson

The Lord Is My Shepherd (The Twenty-Third Psalm) illustrated by Tasha Tudor

Who Lives Here? (Animals of the Pond, Forest, Prairie, Desert, Mountains, Meadow, and Swamp) by Dot and Sy Barlowe

Dusty D. Dawg Has Feelings, Too! by Nancy McConnell, illustrated by Bill Stroble

Animal Babies by Harry McNaught

Baby Animals by Harry McNaught

Richard Scarry’s Please and Thank You Book

Richard Scarry’s Best Storybook Ever

Richard Scarry’s Bedtime Stories

Sarah Morton’s Day (A Day in the Life of a Pilgrim Girl) by Kate Waters

TV Shows from My Childhood

Growing up with conservative Christian parents, we didn’t even own a TV until I was around four years old (that’d be 1990-ish).  Then, all I was allowed to watch were Saturday morning Christian cartoons on PBS.  Sooo…  Unlike most people my age who had an affinity for Sesame Street, Clifford The Big Red Dog, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Power Rangers, most of my memories of kids shows are Christian.  I decided to look them up again, just for nostalgia’s sake.  So this is what I watched as bitty me… 

Quigley’s Village

Sunshine Factory

Davey and Goliath

Reading Rainbow

The Gospel Bill Show

Mister Rogers

Lamb Chop’s Play-Along

Barney & Friends

Circle Square

Day 4 – Seven Fears / Phobias

Seven Fears / Phobias

1. Phonophobia/Ligyrophobia, Auditory Defensiveness, or PTSD:  Loud or unexpected noises give me heart-racing, stomach-clenching, brain-sizzling terror.  I hate alarm clocks.  I leave the room if someone is going to use a blender.  I plug my ears when I flush in public restrooms.  The PTSD side comes in regarding little kids crying, when I can’t see them.  If I can see them and know they’re really okay, and just throwing a tantrum or something, I’m fine.  But if I can’t see them, I get intensely distressed and can’t shake the horrible fear that they’re being abused. 
2. Mottephobia:  Moths scare me because they don’t seem to have fear of humans.  Most insects and animals run away from you – moths don’t give a shit, they just fly up in your face and flap around!  I hate that.  I have spent many a night hiding under my covers for fear of moths getting me.
3. Acridophobia:  Crickets and grasshoppers freak me out for the same reason moths do.  Crickets are worse about this, because unlike other bugs, they don’t jump away from you – they jump into you, crazily!  Gahhhhh!  I do think crickets look very cool, though.
4. Sinkholophobia:    This is an unofficial term, but when that massive black sinkhole opened up in Guatemala, a new fear of mine was born.  I’m usually not at all scared of typical scary things – horror film monsters don’t scare me, etc.  But this shit SCARES ME.  *shudders and snuggles into Daddy*
5. Agliophobia:  Pain…scares me more than death.  ‘Nuff said.
6. Maieusiophobia:  Giving birth.  *shakes head vehemently*  Never gonna happen. 
7. Misophonia:  This one isn’t really a fear, but I was hard up for filling this thing out.  hehe  It’s really more of an annoyance – it’s about quiet but repetitive noises such as someone chewing or an animal grooming itself.  It drives me nuts.

Daddyyyyy’s!

Seven Fears and Phobias

1. Living and/or dying alone. I could actually just expand that to BEING alone, but that’s not actually true. I don’t fear actually being alone. I don’t like it, but I could. Going through life alone and dying alone though? Yeah, that’s tied with the next for my biggest fear.
2. Abandonment is my other biggest fear/phobia. People I love leaving me, or not caring about me, or turning against me.
3. Loss of loved ones. This ties into the above two, but they are all different in their own ways. I know growing up, drifting apart, growing in different direction, death, and so on are all a natural part of life, but I still fear losing the people I care about.
4. Effing up where the people I care about are concerned. I fear hurting those I care about, putting them in no-win situations, making a bad situation worse, and just generally being worse for them than I am good.
5. Not being able to protect those I care about. An example would be the proverbial back alley mugging situation. I’m mentally and emotionally comfortable with me getting hurt or even killed, but I have a LOT of fear that I will fail to protect my loved one(s).
6. Blindness. I don’t live in constant fear of it, but I depend on my eyesight heavily. I don’t want to, but I believe I could handle going deaf. Blind though… that’s scary.
7. I consider myself to be somewhere between Atheist and Agnostic, but I was raised Christian. So I will admit that I do still have a fear of dying and finding out I was wrong. That is not to say I fear dying. I fear being wrong and going to hell. As I understand Christianity though, if you go through the whole believe/confess/be baptized schtick it should be out of a love of god, not a fear of hell.

Day 9 – A Song That Makes You Hopeful

A Song That Makes You Hopeful

I deal with major depression, so this day’s Challenge was actually really difficult for me.  When I think of hope, I think of the future, or especially of Heaven, but given my state of depression and my massive doubt in God right now, there’s nothing I could think of that actually makes me feel hopeful in either of those areas.  So my songs pretty much represent love and acceptance.  Those are both current things that I can strive for and look for in the here and now.

“Que Sera, Sera” by Doris Day

This song pretty much speaks for itself.  It’s the “Hakuna Matata” of the 50’s.  Sometimes it makes me a little sad, but mostly it makes me feel hopeful that you never know what might happen, and what happens might be good.  No sense worrying about the future, seeing as it’s mostly out of our hands.  I wish I could take its advice a bit easier.  ;)

“Let Your Love Flow” by The Bellamy Brothers

This song almost always lifts my spirits and makes me feel happier.  I love the music and the lyrics and it just leaves me feeling good.  If I made a Happy CD, this would be on it.  I wish the world was a more loving and accepting place.

Here are Daddy’s hopeful songs! 

A Song that Makes Me Hopeful

“If Tomorrow Never Comes” by Garth Brooks

“Life’s a Dance” by John Michael Montgomery

“I Love the Way You Love Me” by John Michael Montgomery

 “My Best Friend” by Tim McGraw

Initially I started going through my iTunes just looking for inspiring and hopeful songs that are uplifting. But as usual, I just kept seeing songs that reminded me of my Baby. Then I realized… she is the most uplifting thing in my life right now. She’s not the only thing that helps give me hope, but she’s a big one. To be honest, she’s also one of the strongest sources of uncertainty, so it’s an odd mix. Each of these songs gives me hope though, in its own way. The first gives me hope because I’ve asked her on occasion, “if tomorrow never comes… do you know I love you? Am I showing I love you as much as I can, each and every day? Do you KNOW I love you? Not believe, not hope, not think, are you SURE?” It’s sappy and all, but I’m serious. And it gives me hope that she says, “yes” to all of them. The second gives me hope in that it reminds me you figure life out as you go. You can’t flip to the back of the book and look up all your answers. Life is a growing process, and you’re not done growing till you’re actually planted and helping the daisies grow. Heh, so in a way you’re never really through growing? *Starts playing “Circle of Life”.* The last two are hopeful to me just because they are things that I want to tell my Baby, and telling her sincere things like that makes me feel better and more hopeful. It’s more of an indirect hope, but it’s there.

If God…

If God made us in His perfect image…  Why are we evil by nature?

Falling In Love With Women, My Bi-Sexual Journey

Note: The majority of this was written in March 2012, and is essentially a recounting of my falling in love with women. I am currently and very happily in a relationship with a man I am deeply in love with and am proud to call my Daddy. :)

I was raised a very sheltered, conservative Christian, and was taught my whole life that not only was homosexuality a sin, but that gay relationships involved zero love, only selfish lust. I blindly believed what my parents shoved into my head until one day I saw a thread on a message board asking…

“How could it be wrong to love another person?”

That stopped me in my tracks and I asked myself that question over and over. As I learned more, it was obvious that my parents had been lying to me. The strength and courage it takes for gay couples to step out together into such a hateful world could only be inspired by love.

I had an inkling that I was bi in 2007. I stuffed it down because regardless of my new-found realization that gay love existed, I couldn’t deal with the guilt of even considering I might be bi-sexual. I tried to convince myself that the reason I was looking at girls everywhere I went was to compare my body against theirs – and when I was younger, that was true – but eventually I couldn’t deny that doing a full body scan and being unable to stop staring was simply not a normal thing for a sweet straight Christian virgin girl to do. ;)

I looked in the mirror one day and said it out loud. “I’m bi-sexual.” It felt alright. It felt powerful. Still scary though…the knowledge that if I accepted it, I would never feel free to live my life the way I wanted. I would always be hiding that part of myself.

I worried about my Mom finding out. She had dealt with so many things that my brother had done, going against everything we were taught, but this I knew she could not take. If she ever found out…I don’t think she would be angry…I think her heart would break. I knew she would never get over it. So I kept trying to imagine it away, thinking maybe it was just a “phase that people outgrew”, to quote Valerie’s letter in V For Vendetta.

A year later, I met someone online – one of those paranoid people who wouldn’t let out a stitch of personal information, including age, location, and gender… I didn’t mind because we would talk about everything else for hours at a time. It only took a day before I was flirting, and I assumed that because I felt an urge to flirt with this person, they must be male. It continued on for a week or two and I started feeling very attached. We stayed up until dawn chatting, so many nights. There was no doubt in my mind that a connection like that would only happen with a guy.

I was wrong. When she told me, I was stunned, and for ten whole seconds I thought, “Oh my God, how do I let her down easy??” Then I realized that my feelings hadn’t changed at all. Despite our initial claim that we were both straight, it was obvious that was untrue and I could deny it no longer. Needless to say, I fell deeply in love with that almond-eyed, dreadlocked, pink-lipped girl. We moved onto Skype. Life was finally beautiful and nothing else mattered. She wanted to come live with me. The prospect was three years away and it was she who was worried that I wouldn’t wait, that my feelings would change. Unfortunately, it was the other way around.

She ended it and smashed my heart on the ground, then spit on the shards, ground them into the dirt with her little studded black boots, and then begged me not to stop being her “friend”. I tried – of course I tried, because I would have given anything just to spend one hour around her. But I had no idea how to just be a friend, and I would lash out in anger when she hurt me, which was often. Things became very turbulent and we spoke less and less. Sometimes she would disappear for three months at a time…then pop back up and talk to me like nothing ever happened. I’ve been in relationships since, and I even thought I was over her once, but when I ended a seven month relationship with a guy a year or two ago, it wasn’t him I mourned…it was still her.

So despite the road toward accepting my bi-sexuality being a bit rough, I finally reached the point where I dove into it and didn’t look back. I’m not threatened by it anymore. Although I may never choose to physically act on it, or tell the people around me, at least I am alright with it and I have no qualms saying that I will love that girl forever.

For awhile I did think she was the exception. Before her, I never really connected with another girl, and after her I’ve been a bit gun shy. There were a few girls I worked with in the past two years, that I had crushes on. What attracted me first was personality, and later, physical appearance.

One girl was bouncy, bright, and so amazingly funny. She had stunning anime hair and the most innocent, joyful smile I have ever seen. Another girl was quiet and fierce, she had a lot of issues simmering under the surface, and I felt protective of her. She told me she loved me several times, but obviously she wasn’t saying it the way I would have liked to imagine. The last girl was Southern, dreamy and sensual. I could have fallen asleep listening to the slow rhythm of her voice, she was adorable and sexy all at once, a tomboy who had no idea how mesmerizing she was.

I never told any of them how I felt or that I was bi, mainly because it’s a small town and I didn’t want my conservative family to find out. Trusting a girl in person with that side of me would jeopardize my relationship with my family and right now is definitely not the time to let that happen.

So I kept quiet, and since then, I’ll honestly admit that my attraction to women is mostly physical. I admire from afar, partially because I know that’s all I can allow myself right now, and also because I have trouble relating to girls. I’m not a girly girl so I don’t want to talk about high heels and lipstick and I don’t want to go get manicures together. Maybe I’m sexist against my own gender for assuming that’s what female friendships are like, but I’m always much more comfortable with men, and I surround myself with them and open up to them easily, but with girls I feel we have little common ground.

Where does this leave me? I catch myself staring…in a restaurant, at the mall…it’s subconscious and I have to laugh at myself when I snap out of it and wonder if anyone is watching me, watching “her”. Women are so intriguing and beautiful. Men seem easy to relate to, understandable, approachable. I hate my body and have never felt feminine or pretty, so that contrast in most women appeals to me, and intimidates me. The girls I fall for always seem so much different from me, so unique and unattainable. I enjoy watching them, appreciating the little things about them, loving them from a distance. But I see them as beautiful mirages I will likely never touch.

And that’s the story…for now.

Why I Am A Virgin

“Why are you a virgin?” This is quite the popular question, for me. If you’re waiting to hear that I’m saving myself so your thick juicy cock can take me tonight…well, enjoy that little fantasy. But if you don’t have the patience to read this entire entry…and I know 99.9% of you guys have already hit the Back button…then I’m afraid my pussy just isn’t meant for you.

As for why I haven’t given into my sexual desires yet… There are multiple layers to this. First, it was pounded into me from birth that not only is sex before marriage wrong on every conceivable level, but that even the first kiss should be at the altar. To me, now, this sounds ridiculous… But I’m sure you can imagine the immense conviction that was burned into my psyche as a child, through this edict. I feel deep guilt over many things in life, and especially the area of sexuality. I was not allowed to date, not even allowed to go to youth group at church…my dad didn’t deem those kids good enough for me to socialize with. Apart from a few blissful childhood years, I grew up very lonely and isolated. So add together the deep shame/fear/guilt over even considering doing something sexual, along with my isolation and fear of being close, and you’ve got a very strong foundation for remaining a virgin.

Besides this, I still haven’t settled on what my own beliefs regarding sex outside of marriage are. I think about things for a very long time before taking any rash action. I love the vibe of open relationships that I get online, but obviously that is only “practice” and the idea of implementing it into real life seems very scary, unattainable, and yes, possibly wrong. All the desire for it in the world can’t magically make my worry that I’m doing something wrong just disappear. So the biggest thing I need to figure out is what I really believe. A normal person would experiment to find that out, I’m sure, but I think it’s pretty obvious I’m not normal. ;) Experimenting, and making mistakes to learn from them, was NEVER an option my parents allowed. You just didn’t do things that were “wrong”. You didn’t do them, to see if they felt wrong. You didn’t decide what was right or wrong for yourself. You obeyed without question and if you didn’t, you were bad, sinful, a horrible person. You shouldn’t even wonder about something outside the box, because everything outside that box is of the devil, and God forbid we study the devil’s work. This applied to so many areas of my life, I can’t even describe it. I didn’t know about other religions, growing up. Everything I learned was controlled by my parents. I didn’t even know that I was being kept in the dark. This type of childhood psychological manipulation disturbs me on a very deep, angry level, now that I am beginning to see how it was used on me. I want to escape but I really don’t know how. I am twenty-five now and it seems insane to feel so trapped and controlled…the side of me that thinks for myself wants to go experiment, make my own decisions, and LIVE…but the side of me that lives in fear and guilt is still a little girl, and she has the final say in everything I do, right now.

Despite all this, I definitely view my virginity as a choice. I’m not one of those whimpering guys who is desperate to find someone to bang so he can finally tell his friends he “did it”. Keeping my virginity is a conscious choice and something I am very proud of. I have had opportunities to lose it…tempting ones! But I’m very glad that I stuck to my guns. Everything I’ve mentioned above are huge underlying factors, no doubt about it, but in the end it is something I have fought to keep and I am very proud of myself for that.

Moving on to other layers in the reasoning… I hate my body. I have since before I hit puberty. I believe that I had body dysmorphic disorder all through my teenage years, and up into my early twenties. I hated every inch of my body and believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was disgustingly fat. I was 115 pounds and my waist was 23 inches. But under this complete illusion that I was fat, I never noticed when my body started changing. I gained a hundred pounds and didn’t bat an eyelash because I looked the way I felt and I didn’t even realize that the two hadn’t always been aligned. One day I looked in the mirror and it all crashed down on me…I realized that I embodied what had only been in my mind before. I was stunned. I went back and looked at pictures and couldn’t believe what I used to look like. I had always thought I looked this way and was in disbelief that it had only been in my mind, all these years. I can’t really describe what it felt like to realize that my mind had tricked me and that I’d ruined my body because I believed that trick. I’m not even sure it makes sense… But in any case, I have always hated my body, whether legitimately or not, and that is obviously a very big dissuasion for having sex. All the horniness in the world doesn’t make up for a body that is unattractive, and all the encouragement in the world cannot make my perception of body image change, either.

Last, but not least by any stretch of the imagination, is the possibility of becoming pregnant. I do not EVER want children. I could write pages on why, but if you’ve made it through this much of my babbling, you deserve a medal and a bit of mercy, so I’ll just leave it at the fact that I never want them. Second problem? I do not, under any circumstances, believe in abortion. These coupled together mean that having sex is about the most dangerous thing that exists, for my happiness. I would not have an abortion, so if I got pregnant, my life would be essentially ruined. Birth control, I know you’re yelling at the monitor! Well, I’ve watched my brother, cousins, and friends, ALL have children while on the pill, using condoms, depo, the nuva ring, even the IUD. Enough said. :P I trust nothing. I would get a hysterectomy today, but doctors won’t perform it on someone as young as I am. My only hang-up with that is how it totally screws up your hormones, and even your sex drive… So even my “perfect fix” to the pregnancy problem isn’t very perfect at all. But it is the only sure thing.

In summary…yes, I have chosen to remain a virgin, for my own emotional well-being and because it’s something I take pride in. If my decision changes, however, I have very deep issues I will somehow have to overcome, in order to move on… I would have to decide that having sex outside of marriage is okay. I would have to stop feeling bound by guilt that was ingrained in me since childhood. I would have to accept my body, and move through the fear that no one on earth would ever want me or accept me. And I would have to somehow feel confident that I could never, ever get pregnant. Do you see what a cage I’m in? It’s too immense to even think of trying to get out of. So for now, I am staying there. I have so many other issues I could choose to work on, and just let this one lay sleeping… That seems to be my best option, for now. So here I am…exploring sexuality…but don’t you ever think I’m here to get “it” over and done with. I’m here to learn more about myself, more about sex, more about the world. I am looking for someone special. Will I find him? Is he you? If the answer is yes…well, it’s going to be quite the journey. :)