An Everlasting Love?

Sadly, I’m realizing more every day that I’m losing faith in long-term relationships. This started by watching the disintegration of my parents’ twenty-five year marriage. Since then I’ve opened my eyes and started paying attention, and realized that not only is every family I knew growing up broken apart now, but everyone around me seems to be, as well… All the people I knew from work were divorced, and the few who were still married were miserable. The men all want to or have cheated, and the women are deeply unhappy and either regret marrying their husbands, or think of them as another child to corral. It disgusts me. I have yet to find a truly happy marriage, if such a thing is attainable, or even a marriage where both people are actually fighting for it or even seem the least bit interested in each other anymore. I can’t tell you how many married men I’ve spoken with online, who have cheated, or want to cheat, or are asking me to get on cam or watch them jerk off, phone sex, meet up, act out sexual fantasies, everything. They are deeply wounded by their wives disinterest in them. Who the hell are their wives? Why the hell aren’t they having sex with their husbands?

Everything I’ve seen is turning me into a serious cynic in regards to long-term relationships. My own experience has not been encouraging. And my own SELF is possibly the worst factor of all. My feelings burn bright and hot during the honeymoon stage, then I completely lose interest and move on, seeking that next high from a new man. My own feelings are as fickle as can be, and it upsets me, and makes me question if everyone is like this…and why am I like this? I don’t appreciate it in myself at all and it makes me fear for any relationship I might get into. Marriage is inconceivable for me. If I can’t last more than a few months without boring of someone (and I have been close to men of all ages, which I think is an important point), then how could I ever survive a marriage that lasts a lifetime? Everything I see around me is screaming at me that longevity in relationships isn’t possible. It makes me very sad. I would have loved to be with someone forever, but I can’t imagine a world where that could happen. Thoughts?

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Unappreciated Married Men and Cyber Sex

I’ve talked and cybered with so many married men, and it’s definitely had an impact on my rather elaborate theory on marriage; besides everyone I have known and observed in real life. But what kills me is that the most intense, electric, sexual, and absolutely addicting men I’ve come into contact with have been married men in their 40’s and 50’s. It gives me so many reactions and so much to think about, I feel like I’m going to explode. What is wrong with their wives?

I’ve since cut off contact, but I used to know a married man who was the epitome of what I sought in a sexual partner… Enthusiastic beyond description, passionate, attentive, appreciative, enthralled, rough, gentle, sweet, demanding, safe, dangerous, creative, accepting, dom, sub. While I barely knew him on a personal level, I have never been so close to someone on an emotionally sexual level. It was intoxicating. He truly is the type of man I would want to marry, if I ever did, from a sexual aspect.

He told me countless times how unresponsive his wife was, sexually. I asked if he showed the same kind of passion with her as he did with me, and he said he did, and she enjoyed it, but she just laid there and took it. It infuriates me that women like that exist…and they’re stealing MY men!!! I had this absolutely amazing man wrapped around my finger with just a willing expression of responsiveness… It makes me sad, and sick, that that was all it really took to bring out these incredible qualities in a man, and no one else was doing it for him. I told him multiple times that if I were to choose who to give my virginity to, it would be him. He exemplified all the things I need and want in a man, and I know he would have taken care of me…and reveled in it with honor.

I only wish I could gather up all of these sex-starved men, so desperate for affection, respect, and validation, and let them all experience what he and I had. I feel like so many married men today are subdued…they’ve given up on that passion, and the idea that it even still exists out there for them. It is such a waste, and so disheartening…when there are girls out there like me, dreaming about them and desiring them. Now, if only we could get me over this virginity hump, maybe I’ll open up for business and start “appreciating” them one by one. :D JK