My Daddy!!! I love and adore him…and to be honest, I’ve never trusted anyone this implicitly, or deservedly, before. Gone are the foolish days of trusting because I want someone to be a certain way; or worse, simply because I love someone and hopethey’re a certain way. I trust my Daddy because he has earned it, and he continues earning it all the time. (I even did a whole Writing on it: Ways your Daddy has earned, validated, and re-gained your TRUST.) I can trust my Daddy with my emotions, knowing he won’t belittle me, or use them to manipulate me with later. I can trust him with my insecurities, knowing he will do his best to see me as I really am, while still loving and nurturing me. I can trust him with my secrets, knowing he won’t judge me (and oh, he’s had cause and opportunity!). I can trust him with my personality, as bizarre as it may sound…with so many people, I feel I only show them certain sides of me, but with my Daddy, he gets to see the whole gamut, from serious to scared, playful to paranoid, affectionate to aimless, dreamy to depressed. He’s seen it all and then some, participating in, if not outright causing, new parts of me to develop and grow. You get the idea. I love and trust my wonderful Daddy! Mwahhh!
Here’s my Daddy’s!
One Person I Can Trust
Do you really expect me to say anyone else other than my Baby? If so, you are a fool and an idiot who has not been paying attention to my answers to the past days of this Challenge. I trust my Baby more than I’ve trusted most of the people in my life. There are some people I have trusted pretty deeply, and she is on par if not beyond them. I trust her with my deepest, darkest secrets. Secrets such as the things I’ve done and the places I’ve been that I haven’t even told the best of my friends. I’ve opened myself to her in ways I never realized I could, and been vulnerable with her in ways that gave her the power to utterly destroy me… and she took it seriously and was supportive and loving. So I trust my Baby with all my heart, which works out, cuz she’s got it pretty much beating in her hand.
Time travel. I would save a few lives, take a few lives, go into the future and unlock the secret of eternal life, then have fun going and doing and being with whoever I wanted, any time I wanted. heh heh Get it? Any time I wanted.
Be fluent in another language. Spanish has always been one of my favorites. When spoken slowly, it’s extremely sensual.
Here’s my Daddy’s!
Two Things I Wish I Could Do
I’m actually going to cheat and do this Challenge as a two-fer. Two serious things I wish I could do and two daydreams. Here goes!
I wish I had more willpower. I believe with that, I could accomplish most anything I need or want. I wish I had the willpower to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of whether I WANT to do it or not. With that, homework would get done, chores would get done, I’d be able to push myself to work out on a regular basis and actually do a PROPER workout, and I’d be able to discipline myself to get a job and go to it, thus securing a source of income. Then, with income, I’d have the discipline to seek out an apartment of my own, and on the list goes. Alas, among all my wonderful talents, the will to do the things I don’t want to do is not high on the list. I do believe it is on the list, but I wish it were higher.
I wish I had the ability to actually affect change in the people around me more directly. I can support, I can counsel, I can suggest, I can advise, I can do my best to lead, I can show, I can even direct… but I can’t actually DO anything for them. I can only pave the path to the best of my ability, stand at the end of it, and beckon fervently. They must walk it themselves. I know the importance of them walking it themselves and that if I did it FOR them, then they wouldn’t learn or grow… but sometimes, I still wish I could take that first step or two for them, or when things get difficult walk with/in them. It’s a weird concept, but I don’t mean “instead of”, I mean “with”. Like a little girl standing on her Daddy’s feet as he walks.
I wish I had super-speed. As shrimpy as I feel sometimes, you’d think super-strength would be my desire. But nope, I’d rather have super-speed. Not only is it utilitarian (travel times would dwindle), but according to physics speed has as much to do with force as mass does. (Yay F = ma, Force equals mass times acceleration.) True, I may not be hitting with a big, meaty, muscle-powered fist… But when that punch is coming in faster than a greased cat fleeing an oversized vacuum cleaner, followed by another 20 in the next couple seconds? You’re gonna be in a world of hurt.
Thusly comes the second part of the daydream. I wish I had fast healing (yes, a la Wolverine) or invulnerability. Truthfully, with super-speed invulnerability would be more useful because for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. (Newton’s Third Law, had to look up which it was.) So punching a guy at mach ridiculous a few dozen times in a few seconds would be HORRENDOUS on my hands. With invulnerability, problem solved. However, as cool as that is, I’d actually rather have the super-healing. It sounds weird, and I’m not masochistic, but I think it would be good for me to feel the pain. I don’t want to become insensitive or inured. For every time I hit someone, it would be good to be reminded that what I’m feeling, they are feeling 10 times over. It’s a check to make me think twice before using my power in that way. I don’t want a mangled body though, so woot fast healing! Plus, it just looks cooler. Colossus may look awesome with his silver body and bullets just pinging off of him as he wades in unfazed… but Wolverine charging forward and actually TAKING every shot, seeing him jerk but keep going, drop and get back up again, and just keep pushing forward… I think that’s cooler.
So yeah, I’m a nerd. Can you tell? ^_^ Those are two things that are actually lower on the list, but were on my mind. There are other things higher on the list I’d actually prefer, but wishing I could have god-like genie-level powers just kinda feels like a cop out.
“Love”…sandwiched between “I” and “you”. My Daddy hears this several dozen times a day.
“Mwah!”… Pretty sure I can’t go a day without giving Daddy kissies.
“Mmhm”… This word has about as many meanings and implications as the f-word. It can infer sexual pleasure, deep agreement, casual interest, occasional encouragement, bothered acknowledgement…the list goes on. I use it mostly for the first two.
Here are my Daddy’s!
Three Words I Can’t Go a Day Without Using
Baby. Not a single day goes by in which I do not talk to her, and of each of those conversations, sometime during them I call her by my favoritest name, Baby. Or better still, my Baby.
Love. Very often in combination with an “I”, a “you” and the above word. Not a day passes that this combination isn’t used, as well as other combinations.
Fuck. I have some clear views on swearing, and they can be summed up by saying, “appropriate use only”. I don’t like it when people swear just to swear, with no point. If whatever situation/event warrants it, then by all means go ahead. Otherwise, choose something more appropriate. That being said, fuck is such a versatile word! So I’m pretty sure it gets said at some point every day. Appropriately within context, of course.
Happy… The day me and my Daddy became “me and my Daddy”. We had read about it, thought about it, talked about it, and on October 5th, 2012, we finally decided to be about it! I remember waking up the next morning beaming from ear to ear and thinking, “I have a Daddy!” Not just any Daddy…MY Daddy. Who is, by the way, utterly wonderful. *purrs happily* No one I’ve ever been with before has held a candle to his way of being. I love you, Daddy!
Scary… While driving down a two-lane mountain road at 40 MPH, I rounded a corner only to see a car speeding towards me in my lane, with an unbroken line of cars to their right, a cliff to their left, and nowhere to go but straight into me. We both slammed on our brakes and stopped twelve inches away from each others’ bumpers. Apparently they thought it was a brilliant idea to try to pass an endless line of cars, going up a mountain, around a curve. The bitch proceeded to glare at me, since clearly it was my fault that she nearly rammed me head-on being a fucking idiot trying to pass in a no-pass zone around a mountainside. That was the first time I used the f-word in front of my mom. She started bawling as I drove away. I was shaking for about twenty minutes. She never chastised me for my language.
Crazy… At my first job, I had a pretty flirtastic manager. He was twenty years older than me, married, with five kids. At his 40th birthday party, he sidled up to me outside and told me to go upstairs and lay down next to his wife and he would follow me up. Yep, that’s right, bi threesome for the sweet, innocent Christian girl. Um. I was tempted. But I still said no.
Awesome… When I was sixteen, my best friend and I went on a (chaperoned) road trip to another state to see our favorite band, Plus One. We met some of the guys before the concert and got lots of pictures and autographs and they did magic tricks for us and all kinds of stuff. Then after the concert, we went through the autograph line…twice. Then, their manager told me where they were having dinner. So we got to go hang out with them for several hours, it was great. We mingled with Plus One as well as their opening act. A few of the guys sat in the booth with us and we just chatted about all kinds of things for a long time, took more pictures, and just chilled together. It was awesommmme!
Here are Daddy’s.
My Baby and I were talking earlier about dreams, and I related a particularly intense dream I had a long time ago about an arsonist setting fire to the house where my family and I lived. It was a very vivid dream, so it’s stuck in my memory.
My surprise on my 17th birthday when I received my dog Jubal. I’d wanted a dog for awhile, but Dad always said he hated dogs and didn’t want one. I’d pretty much just accepted that it wasn’t happening. Then both Mom and Grandma got involved. My sister woke me up of a Saturday and we drove to Grandma’s. I knew it was birthday stuff, but when mom came walking out with a copy paper box the LAST thing I expected was a puppy. One of the very few times in my life I’ve been speechless.
Getting pulled over for a DWI because I was drinking cream soda. I used to know where I could get liter glass bottles of IBC Cream Soda by the case. There was no label, the IBC logo and all that were just molded into the glass. So when a cop drove by, all the saw was me swigging an amber fluid from a liter-sized glass bottle. Made for an interesting story…
Meeting my Baby. I was massively depressed and considering suicide, and I went to a depression chat room as a coping mechanism. Little did I know I was going to meet someone who would rock my world there. I didn’t actually know she was even a girl at first, cuz her pseudonym was gender ambiguous. I thought she was a guy. Boy was I in for a surprise… (and she loved springing that surprise.)
Chapstick. I admit it, I’m an addict. They say if you don’t ever start using it, you won’t need it, but once you start, you can’t stop because your body gets addicted to it. Dunno if that’s true, but I can’t go more than a few hours without chapsticking it up.
Showers. Pretty sure I’d go insane if I couldn’t take a shower at least every other day. Preferably every single day.
A computer. Seriously, I hate handwriting stuff, it’s so time-consuming and tiring and imperfect and ick! I like the idea of it, but in practice, no. Just no. I don’t understand how people wrote books by hand. Editing must have been a nightmare.
Cold weather. I know it sounds nuts, but honestly, if I was condemned to live in the Sahara for the rest of my life, I’d rather die. I hate heat and the sun and I NEED my cold, overcast, rainy, snowy weather!
Water. Literally and figuratively, I need me mah watah, man!!!
Love. It truly has kept me alive…without it, I’m quite sure I’d have killed myself. I realized today that love is stronger than even hope. I can live without hope, and I have. But I can’t live without love.
Five Things You Can’t Live Without
My Baby. I suppose my heart would keep beating, my lungs would keep breathing, my kidneys would keep kidneying (filtering waste out of the filtrate in order to send the cleansed blood back into the system and the waste into the urinary duct), and so on… But I no wanna. I don’t WANT to live without her.
My truck. Again, it’s true that maybe I wouldn’t DIE without a vehicle, but I would lose more of the precious freedom I so highly value, and I don’t want that either.
My computer. I’ve spent a few days recently where I didn’t have access to my computer, and I hated it. Heck, internet qualifies too. Though in that regard I can actually occupy myself with other things, and I suppose eventually I’d learn to live without it, but… Yeah, that’d stuck hairy balls. And sucking hairy balls sounds mucho not-fun.
A little more on the serious side… people. Specifically friends, but people in general. I’m a social person, so the WORST punishments I can think of are things like solitary confinement and the silent treatment. I may not physically die, but mentally and emotionally I would fall to PIECES and go stark raving mad without social interaction.
Air. Pretty sure I need air to live. Specifically oxygen, but not pure oxygen, cuz that’s actually really bad for you. Even scuba divers don’t breath pure oxygen. So air is good. I can’t live without air.
Phonophobia/Ligyrophobia, Auditory Defensiveness, or PTSD: Loud or unexpected noises give me heart-racing, stomach-clenching, brain-sizzling terror. I hate alarm clocks. I leave the room if someone is going to use a blender. I plug my ears when I flush in public restrooms. The PTSD side comes in regarding little kids crying, when I can’t see them. If I can see them and know they’re really okay, and just throwing a tantrum or something, I’m fine. But if I can’t see them, I get intensely distressed and can’t shake the horrible fear that they’re being abused.
Mottephobia: Moths scare me because they don’t seem to have fear of humans. Most insects and animals run away from you – moths don’t give a shit, they just fly up in your face and flap around! I hate that. I have spent many a night hiding under my covers for fear of moths getting me.
Acridophobia: Crickets and grasshoppers freak me out for the same reason moths do. Crickets are worse about this, because unlike other bugs, they don’t jump away from you – they jump into you, crazily! Gahhhhh! I do think crickets look very cool, though.
Sinkholophobia: This is an unofficial term, but when that massive black sinkhole opened up in Guatemala, a new fear of mine was born. I’m usually not at all scared of typical scary things – horror film monsters don’t scare me, etc. But this shit SCARES ME. *shudders and snuggles into Daddy*
Agliophobia: Pain…scares me more than death. ‘Nuff said.
Maieusiophobia: Giving birth. *shakes head vehemently* Never gonna happen.
Misophonia: This one isn’t really a fear, but I was hard up for filling this thing out. hehe It’s really more of an annoyance – it’s about quiet but repetitive noises such as someone chewing or an animal grooming itself. It drives me nuts.
Seven Fears and Phobias
Living and/or dying alone. I could actually just expand that to BEING alone, but that’s not actually true. I don’t fear actually being alone. I don’t like it, but I could. Going through life alone and dying alone though? Yeah, that’s tied with the next for my biggest fear.
Abandonment is my other biggest fear/phobia. People I love leaving me, or not caring about me, or turning against me.
Loss of loved ones. This ties into the above two, but they are all different in their own ways. I know growing up, drifting apart, growing in different direction, death, and so on are all a natural part of life, but I still fear losing the people I care about.
Effing up where the people I care about are concerned. I fear hurting those I care about, putting them in no-win situations, making a bad situation worse, and just generally being worse for them than I am good.
Not being able to protect those I care about. An example would be the proverbial back alley mugging situation. I’m mentally and emotionally comfortable with me getting hurt or even killed, but I have a LOT of fear that I will fail to protect my loved one(s).
Blindness. I don’t live in constant fear of it, but I depend on my eyesight heavily. I don’t want to, but I believe I could handle going deaf. Blind though… that’s scary.
I consider myself to be somewhere between Atheist and Agnostic, but I was raised Christian. So I will admit that I do still have a fear of dying and finding out I was wrong. That is not to say I fear dying. I fear being wrong and going to hell. As I understand Christianity though, if you go through the whole believe/confess/be baptized schtick it should be out of a love of god, not a fear of hell.