Daddy/Babygirl insecurities? Take heart.

I’ve read dozens of posts from women who are worried they don’t “fit” the general concept of a Babygirl. They’re insecure about various aspects they think might “disqualify” them as Babygirls. They’re afraid they won’t find a Daddy who sees them for who they really are. Well, here’s what I’ve come to trust in…

The Daddy/Babygirl dynamic is built upon an altered sense of reality.

Daddies look past:

Bust size
Work situation
Biological children

ALL of those things should technically “break the magic spell”.

Your Babygirl is twenty, but acts twelve, or two? She’s not twelve or two so in all actuality, that’s enough to break the spell, right? But Daddies look past that.

Your Babygirl is not three-foot-nothing as a child would be.
Your Babygirl does not weigh forty pounds as a child would.
Your Babygirl has breasts when a child her Little’s age would not.
Your Babygirl can and does talk like an adult, in ways a child her Little’s age could not.
Your Babygirl may have a job, or any number of adult responsibilities that a child would not.
Your Babygirl may have children of her own, or be married to you – things no child experiences.

Do any or all of these things ruin it for the Daddies? Experience and observation tell us all, NO. This dynamic is built upon suspended reality. Daddies see us as they want to see us, despite the many concrete “grown woman” qualities we have that are staring them in the face.

While the outer shell may help Daddies and Babygirls enter into the headspace more seamlessly, it’s certainly not required that every Babygirl be a ninety pound eighteen-year-old with no boobs, who talks in toddler language. Daddies have the ability to look past things that should clearly define their girl as an adult woman, and see the sweet little girl inside who needs nurturing.

My Babygirl Traits

I received a message today asking what my Babygirl side is like. I had not yet taken time to write down my discoveries thus far… But I’m jumping at the opportunity, now! I’ll be adding to it as I learn more on this wonderful, yet sometimes difficult, journey. :)

First, back story: How I discovered I’m a Babygirl. What led me to becoming a Babygirl. Musings from early on. Now for the fun part…

Finding A Real Daddy

I believe I’ve always been a Babygirl; yet when I count, I’ve only been “active” for about three or four months, total. It wasn’t until November 2011 that I found myself in a Daddy/daughter situation. That relationship was intense but deservedly short-lived, and thus I was without a Daddy until October 2012 when my friend and lover asked me to be his Baby. <3

So while my actual experience is limited, here’s what I’ve learned about myself so far…

My Babygirl Traits

  • I love stuffed animals and bright, happy colors.
  • I like coloring for my Daddy – he hangs my colorings up on his fridge!
  • I need to feel safe with my Daddy and the best way is for him to lay on top of me and press me deep into the bed or couch.
  • I almost always need to be in “physical contact” with him – snuggling, kissing, nestling into his body, or petting his back.
  • I am very eager to please my Daddy, even though I’m normally pretty dominant and stubborn. He brings out the quieter, submissive side of me, and the thought of me disappointing him is excruciatingly painful to me.
  • I definitely love to be sexual with my Daddy. I am very curious and love finding out about sex and what makes Daddy feel good.
  • I’m timid at first but my curiosity will often take over, and I love touching. Once I learn how to touch in ways Daddy likes I get much more confident and addicted to it.
  • I love Disney movies.
  • I love sucking on Daddy’s thumb, especially when he spoons me from behind and wraps me up tight in his arms while I fall asleep.
  • I have twice dropped into a place where I fully worship my Daddy’s body. All I can call it is love-drunk adoration. I love how I feel when I’m like this.
  • I go to Daddy for comfort – I don’t want to be anywhere else but hiding under him.
  • I love it when Daddy makes me laugh and giggle.
  • I can be very emotionally fragile and feel very intense things when I’m little, but Daddy will hold me.
  • I like teasing Daddy sometimes, and I like it when he shoves me against the wall and pins me there.
  • I like giving Daddy’s Dragon hugs, even when he looks at me funny.
  • I love horses and my sheets even have ponies on them!
  • Sometimes I’m too shy to ask, but if I see someone giving out balloons I always want one.
  • I’m curious about having a sister.
  • I’m curious about having a binkie.
  • The dark is a safety blanket for me. I love hiding under the blankets with Daddy in our own warm little world.
  • My communication drops substantially when I regress, and I have trouble expressing myself, often using emoticons or very small sentences.
  • I can be very shy, and want Daddy to be the one to pull my clothes off when I’ve regressed.
  • I eat my cinnamon graham crackers upside down. :)
  • I name all my stuffed animals…and all my plants.
  • I love swinging and going down slides at the park.
  • I love Goldfish crackers, AKA “Fishie Crackers”.

Ways your Daddy has earned, validated, and re-gained your TRUST.

I just wrote and posted this in the group Daddy ~ girl Relationships, and thought it was important enough to make a permanent Writing, too.

Hey little girls,

I have read so many stories recently about broken-hearted and abused Babygirls… I need some positive reinforcement! I know there are good Daddies out there, mine is one of them. I just need somewhere I can go to read about all the good things Daddies have done to earn, validate, and re-gain our trust. Please share ways your Daddy has done this – small things, big things, one thing, or twenty things.

Here are some of mine:

My Daddy is Honest

From day one, he has engaged in the open, communicative relationship that I need and ask for. If that means he’s frustrated or doesn’t agree with me, he will approach me and we will talk about it. If there’s an issue of his that affects us, he will confide in me. If he feels overwhelmed, we can back off and take steps to ensure he feels just as comforted as he makes me feel. My Daddy is real, and this lays the foundation for trust.

My Daddy Listens

He listens to what I say, and not only does he respond to it, but he remembers it! Not only does he remember it, but he takes action to change anything that needs to be changed, whether that be my behavior or his. Not only does he listen to what I say, but he listens to what I don’t say. He is so attentive and good at picking up on the little things that express where I’m at, emotionally…and he will almost always address that, even if I don’t bring up what’s bothering me and try to put on a happy face or a sexy act. My Daddy is attentive to my needs even when I’m not, which continually validates my trust in him.

My Daddy is Reliable

One of the most important expressions of love, for me, is to have someone spend their time on me. He is aware of that and makes a point to ensure me time in his day, even if it’s busy or tiring. He likes to keep me updated on what he’s doing throughout the day, even though he doesn’t require the same of this claustrophobic little girl. My Daddy is where he says he’ll be, because he knows proving himself reliable earns my trust.

My Daddy Needs Me

He’s not obsessed with dominating my every action or keeping himself at a safe emotional distance, letting me be the only vulnerable one. He tells me when he needs snuggles or headrubs, assuring me I should only do so if I want to, and lets me care for him in ways he doesn’t let others. My Daddy needs me, but he gives me choices, creating trust in his integrity.

My Daddy is Humble

He is not afraid to admit he doesn’t know everything, or that he makes mistakes, or that he isn’t perfect…but he sure tries to be! Despite the sometimes blurry line between confidence and arrogance, at the end of the day, he knows I could seek out someone else with more money or straighter teeth…but I choose him. My Daddy admits when he messes up and loves me enough to show me his faults, which deepens and reinforces my trust when need arises.

My Daddy is Curious

Besides listening, he asks. He wants to know how my mind and heart work, so he can better tend to both. This not only makes me feel special, but it pulls out the deepest honesty from me when I might not have otherwise had the courage to bring something up. He is curious about me and about life, which means we never have an end of things to talk about, whether it be cute, funny stuff, or deep, serious issues. My Daddy cultivates a curiosity about me and about life that builds my sense of trust and strengthens my love for him as a person.

I love my Daddy! :)

Discovering “Babygirl”

I was actually acting as a Babygirl before I knew what it was or that it had a name and a fetish community. I met a guy online and he was older. I jokingly referred to him as “Daddy” and from that moment on, the name stuck and it grew into a 24/7 roleplay. He brought Ageplay into it and again, I had no idea what that was. He never named what he was doing, just asked me what age I felt like that day. As my moods varied, I went from my real age, twenty-five to as young as six. I found it made me feel very safe to feel free to be innocent after so many years.

Ageplay and Daddy/daughter didn’t instantly turn me on, it was a slow realization that this was something that not only got me incredibly horny, but it tore me open and exposed my desperate but long-ignored need for a father figure. In the end, that man was lying to me and I had to end our relationship, but I will always be glad I discovered Ageplay, and found a piece of myself that I never understood. After I ended it, I began talking to my other friends about what we had done, and then doing research, and innocent little me discovered that it’s actually a well-known fetish. heh heh

The day I found names for what we were doing, Ageplay and Daddy/daughter roleplay, I joined this site. That was earlier this year. After that, I had a flood of understanding about not only my sexual self, but my vanilla self, as well… I looked back over the past eight years and finally saw all the stuffed animals, pretty colors, stickers, horse books, and Disney movies in a new light. I think I have always been a Babygirl, and just didn’t know or understand it. I was always ashamed of that side of me that I thought was “immature”. Now, I understand it and feel very proud of my Babygirl side. Knowing what it is has given me confidence and renewed happiness in that side of me. I’ve started coloring again and exploring this side of myself with joyful curiosity. There is a deep peace and safety in feeling little and innocent. This is not just a kinky roleplay, for me. It is something I want, need, crave, and am fulfilled by. I am a Babygirl! :)

Father Figure

The main theme of the past three months is that I’ve discovered I have an enormous hole in me, in the shape of a father figure. I think it’s been there for a very, very long time, and it’s only just now becoming apparent to me.

We left my dad when I was seventeen; I’m twenty-five now. I have deep hatred for him, and have not allowed him into my life in any form since the day we left. After a few years, the hatred became dormant, and I did start to feel a bit of longing when I saw my uncles; I remember thinking a few times that maybe one of them would want to adopt me. I shook off the idea as silly, because seventeen should be old enough to be without a father, right?

I haven’t thought about the desire for a father in years, but what has happened is a definite attraction to older men. I’ve always gotten along well with middle-aged men, even just as I hit my teens, but it has blossomed into full-blown indifference about age, as far as my attraction goes. To put it into perspective, the last man I let out a dreamy sigh for was fifty-eight years old.

I’ve never connected my attraction to older men with a daddy complex, before. I suppose that was blind of me. I took it to mean I was mature and enlightened; above all those silly girls who only wanted silly boys. Now, that is largely true…I don’t have patience for party animals or immature guys…but I think it’s fairly obvious that there is a deeper psychological base for all of this. Anyway, all this sort of went over my head until the past three months.

I met a man online, and when he told me his age I made a joke and called him daddy. Things sort of spiralled from there, and though he lived a very safe distance away in another state, we began a very crazy and intoxicating roleplay relationship. I couldn’t honestly tell you how it happened, but we began roleplaying 100% of the time, as father and daughter. It was sexual and relational, and I became very deeply emotionally attached to him. When I realized that I was trying to make myself live the fantasy that he really was my father, I freaked out at how far it had gone. I took a step back and started paying attention, and realized that he was lying to me about his life… I cut off contact with him about a month ago. I cried. I still can’t believe how powerful an effect I let him have over me.

That, coupled with even more recent experiences, sort of triggered something between an epiphany and a panic attack. haha I realized that I have a very desperate emotional need for a father figure, and it extends well into the sexual realm.

It also caused me to consider many other things that have been rattling around in the back of my mind, such as my desire and apparent need to be dominated, and also how my self-esteem could easily make it possible for me to accept physical abuse. I used to work with a guy who was extremely condescending and would yell at me in the back room…I’ve been thinking about how turned on I was by the tone in his voice when he yelled at me, and wishing he would come to my house and treat me like that. Lately I’ve been considering everything from the idea of being emotionally dominated, to being controlled by a stand-in father, to seeking out someone to punish me…I’ve even been Googling BDSM puppy slave lifestyles. I feel very lost and confused, depressed and scared. I feel like I’m on the verge of finding out something is really wrong with me, but on the other hand, I want to just accept anything I uncover and dive straight into it, whether or not it’s healthy. I want to be free. I’m sick of fighting myself all the time.

The bottom line is, there are a lot of things I’m realizing that I want and need, and it’s scaring the hell out of me but turning me on just as much… I always think things over in-depth before making any decisions, and I feel like all these things just showed up pounding on my door wanting to be decided upon. It’s pretty overwhelming and exciting. ;)