Day 10 – One Person You Can Trust

Day 10 - One Person You Can Trust 1-29-13

One Person You Can Trust

My Daddy!!!  I love and adore him…and to be honest, I’ve never trusted anyone this implicitly, or deservedly, before.  Gone are the foolish days of trusting because I want someone to be a certain way; or worse, simply because I love someone and hope they’re a certain way.  I trust my Daddy because he has earned it, and he continues earning it all the time.  (I even did a whole Writing on it: Ways your Daddy has earned, validated, and re-gained your TRUST.)  I can trust my Daddy with my emotions, knowing he won’t belittle me, or use them to manipulate me with later.  I can trust him with my insecurities, knowing he will do his best to see me as I really am, while still loving and nurturing me.  I can trust him with my secrets, knowing he won’t judge me (and oh, he’s had cause and opportunity!).  I can trust him with my personality, as bizarre as it may sound…with so many people, I feel I only show them certain sides of me, but with my Daddy, he gets to see the whole gamut, from serious to scared, playful to paranoid, affectionate to aimless, dreamy to depressed.  He’s seen it all and then some, participating in, if not outright causing, new parts of me to develop and grow.  You get the idea.  I love and trust my wonderful Daddy!  Mwahhh!

Here’s my Daddy’s!  Love2

One Person I Can Trust

Do you really expect me to say anyone else other than my Baby? If so, you are a fool and an idiot who has not been paying attention to my answers to the past days of this Challenge. I trust my Baby more than I’ve trusted most of the people in my life. There are some people I have trusted pretty deeply, and she is on par if not beyond them. I trust her with my deepest, darkest secrets. Secrets such as the things I’ve done and the places I’ve been that I haven’t even told the best of my friends. I’ve opened myself to her in ways I never realized I could, and been vulnerable with her in ways that gave her the power to utterly destroy me… and she took it seriously and was supportive and loving. So I trust my Baby with all my heart, which works out, cuz she’s got it pretty much beating in her hand.

Making Happiness

Written 6-5-10

I had pain in my chest last night.  In my heart.  It lasted maybe twenty seconds.  I wasn’t worried, for the first ten seconds…after that, I started trying to remember what the last thing I said to my brother was, and if I’d told Mom I loved her today.  I was on the phone with my boyfriend when it happened, listening to a song together.  I thought how messed up it would be to die out of nowhere like that, with him listening.  I got this clenchy feeling in my stomach, knowing I’m not ready to die, and though I did not worry about God or where I was going, I did feel fear.  Fear to be found like that, fear of the unknown.  Fear that my life could end when I haven’t made a difference in this world.  When I haven’t got a clue what my purpose was, or has been, or if there even is one.  It felt so unfair to die like that.

Well, I didn’t die.  But I feel more fragile now…and more bold.  I want to KNOW I told my family I love them, and I want to know that the day I die was a good day.  I want to love, and feel loved, and be okay with dying…not because I’m despondent and want a way out, but because I know I’m ready for whatever happens.  I’m not afraid of dying but I am afraid of pain, and I’m afraid of dying before I know what life is all about.  I know I’m loved, and that’s what life is to me…but I don’t think I’m finished yet.

I  want to be honest, true, and open with the people I love.  I want to take time to smell fresh air, to stop and cook my own food and enjoy life…not to be in a hurry, always having something to do next, never feeling like I have free time.

My days off when I venture out to take pictures are sooo amazing.  Because time doesn’t exist.  I start so early, I feel like I have the whole year to go exploring, to wander, to go over the next hill or down that never-ending straight road.  To meander wherever I feel like, to keep looking until I find somewhere I can really enjoy new food and see new people and experience new things.  I can stop on the side of the road and wait for that little baby cow to wander closer, I don’t have to just snap a picture and run.  There are no responsibilities, no time constraints, nothing but freedom.  I want to live that way every day.

I want to be whoever I want, do whatever I want, and love life without fear.  I want to be honest and happy.  I want to know my time here isn’t wasted.  I want to spend more time with my brother, just hanging out doing nothing.  I want to make friends.  I want to actually live, not just float along.  I want to explore.  I want to love myself.  I want to belong somewhere other than home.  I want to get skinny and healthy and happy.  HAPPY.  I want to be happy.  I want to make happiness for myself.  And I will.

My Babygirl Traits

I received a message today asking what my Babygirl side is like. I had not yet taken time to write down my discoveries thus far… But I’m jumping at the opportunity, now! I’ll be adding to it as I learn more on this wonderful, yet sometimes difficult, journey. :)

First, back story: How I discovered I’m a Babygirl. What led me to becoming a Babygirl. Musings from early on. Now for the fun part…

Finding A Real Daddy

I believe I’ve always been a Babygirl; yet when I count, I’ve only been “active” for about three or four months, total. It wasn’t until November 2011 that I found myself in a Daddy/daughter situation. That relationship was intense but deservedly short-lived, and thus I was without a Daddy until October 2012 when my friend and lover asked me to be his Baby. <3

So while my actual experience is limited, here’s what I’ve learned about myself so far…

My Babygirl Traits

  • I love stuffed animals and bright, happy colors.
  • I like coloring for my Daddy – he hangs my colorings up on his fridge!
  • I need to feel safe with my Daddy and the best way is for him to lay on top of me and press me deep into the bed or couch.
  • I almost always need to be in “physical contact” with him – snuggling, kissing, nestling into his body, or petting his back.
  • I am very eager to please my Daddy, even though I’m normally pretty dominant and stubborn. He brings out the quieter, submissive side of me, and the thought of me disappointing him is excruciatingly painful to me.
  • I definitely love to be sexual with my Daddy. I am very curious and love finding out about sex and what makes Daddy feel good.
  • I’m timid at first but my curiosity will often take over, and I love touching. Once I learn how to touch in ways Daddy likes I get much more confident and addicted to it.
  • I love Disney movies.
  • I love sucking on Daddy’s thumb, especially when he spoons me from behind and wraps me up tight in his arms while I fall asleep.
  • I have twice dropped into a place where I fully worship my Daddy’s body. All I can call it is love-drunk adoration. I love how I feel when I’m like this.
  • I go to Daddy for comfort – I don’t want to be anywhere else but hiding under him.
  • I love it when Daddy makes me laugh and giggle.
  • I can be very emotionally fragile and feel very intense things when I’m little, but Daddy will hold me.
  • I like teasing Daddy sometimes, and I like it when he shoves me against the wall and pins me there.
  • I like giving Daddy’s Dragon hugs, even when he looks at me funny.
  • I love horses and my sheets even have ponies on them!
  • Sometimes I’m too shy to ask, but if I see someone giving out balloons I always want one.
  • I’m curious about having a sister.
  • I’m curious about having a binkie.
  • The dark is a safety blanket for me. I love hiding under the blankets with Daddy in our own warm little world.
  • My communication drops substantially when I regress, and I have trouble expressing myself, often using emoticons or very small sentences.
  • I can be very shy, and want Daddy to be the one to pull my clothes off when I’ve regressed.
  • I eat my cinnamon graham crackers upside down. :)
  • I name all my stuffed animals…and all my plants.
  • I love swinging and going down slides at the park.
  • I love Goldfish crackers, AKA “Fishie Crackers”.

Ways your Daddy has earned, validated, and re-gained your TRUST.

I just wrote and posted this in the group Daddy ~ girl Relationships, and thought it was important enough to make a permanent Writing, too.

Hey little girls,

I have read so many stories recently about broken-hearted and abused Babygirls… I need some positive reinforcement! I know there are good Daddies out there, mine is one of them. I just need somewhere I can go to read about all the good things Daddies have done to earn, validate, and re-gain our trust. Please share ways your Daddy has done this – small things, big things, one thing, or twenty things.

Here are some of mine:

My Daddy is Honest

From day one, he has engaged in the open, communicative relationship that I need and ask for. If that means he’s frustrated or doesn’t agree with me, he will approach me and we will talk about it. If there’s an issue of his that affects us, he will confide in me. If he feels overwhelmed, we can back off and take steps to ensure he feels just as comforted as he makes me feel. My Daddy is real, and this lays the foundation for trust.

My Daddy Listens

He listens to what I say, and not only does he respond to it, but he remembers it! Not only does he remember it, but he takes action to change anything that needs to be changed, whether that be my behavior or his. Not only does he listen to what I say, but he listens to what I don’t say. He is so attentive and good at picking up on the little things that express where I’m at, emotionally…and he will almost always address that, even if I don’t bring up what’s bothering me and try to put on a happy face or a sexy act. My Daddy is attentive to my needs even when I’m not, which continually validates my trust in him.

My Daddy is Reliable

One of the most important expressions of love, for me, is to have someone spend their time on me. He is aware of that and makes a point to ensure me time in his day, even if it’s busy or tiring. He likes to keep me updated on what he’s doing throughout the day, even though he doesn’t require the same of this claustrophobic little girl. My Daddy is where he says he’ll be, because he knows proving himself reliable earns my trust.

My Daddy Needs Me

He’s not obsessed with dominating my every action or keeping himself at a safe emotional distance, letting me be the only vulnerable one. He tells me when he needs snuggles or headrubs, assuring me I should only do so if I want to, and lets me care for him in ways he doesn’t let others. My Daddy needs me, but he gives me choices, creating trust in his integrity.

My Daddy is Humble

He is not afraid to admit he doesn’t know everything, or that he makes mistakes, or that he isn’t perfect…but he sure tries to be! Despite the sometimes blurry line between confidence and arrogance, at the end of the day, he knows I could seek out someone else with more money or straighter teeth…but I choose him. My Daddy admits when he messes up and loves me enough to show me his faults, which deepens and reinforces my trust when need arises.

My Daddy is Curious

Besides listening, he asks. He wants to know how my mind and heart work, so he can better tend to both. This not only makes me feel special, but it pulls out the deepest honesty from me when I might not have otherwise had the courage to bring something up. He is curious about me and about life, which means we never have an end of things to talk about, whether it be cute, funny stuff, or deep, serious issues. My Daddy cultivates a curiosity about me and about life that builds my sense of trust and strengthens my love for him as a person.

I love my Daddy! :)