Relying On One

I think our society has this idea that one person has to provide everything for their spouse…um…are they insane?! ;) One person can’t provide all the things another could need. If such a person existed, it would be a miracle to ever find them. I was in despair of ever finding someone who was simply into the same sexual things I was turned on by…that doesn’t even factor in the emotional needs I have, the spiritual connection, how we would mesh in day-to-day life, not to mention my apparently ever-present need for a daddy! Like holy shit, when would I ever find a guy who could work for me in all those areas? It’s a ridiculous thought. Now that I’m seeing it through new eyes, it seems like true insanity. One of the things that’s been bothering me so greatly this past week is my realization that I’m not just into older men as a kink… There are “daddy” reasons behind it. I’ve been terrified of what that might mean…has any and every older guy I’ve been interested in sexually been a father substitute? I don’t know.

I’ve been wondering if I should try to separate out the two, go for younger men sexually and older men on a platonic, guidance level. Honestly for me, I think I would want that particular person infused with both. I think, given all the self-reflection I’ve done lately, that I DO need a sexual Daddy. But that doesn’t change these strong opinions I’m starting to form, that say you can’t have everything in one person.

The picture of multiple people coming together to create one person’s happiness is already taking serious hold on me. It seems even more loving than a marriage. It seems selfless, giving, beautiful.