Sadly, I’m realizing more every day that I’m losing faith in long-term relationships. This started by watching the disintegration of my parents’ twenty-five year marriage. Since then I’ve opened my eyes and started paying attention, and realized that not only is every family I knew growing up broken apart now, but everyone around me seems to be, as well… All the people I knew from work were divorced, and the few who were still married were miserable. The men all want to or have cheated, and the women are deeply unhappy and either regret marrying their husbands, or think of them as another child to corral. It disgusts me. I have yet to find a truly happy marriage, if such a thing is attainable, or even a marriage where both people are actually fighting for it or even seem the least bit interested in each other anymore. I can’t tell you how many married men I’ve spoken with online, who have cheated, or want to cheat, or are asking me to get on cam or watch them jerk off, phone sex, meet up, act out sexual fantasies, everything. They are deeply wounded by their wives disinterest in them. Who the hell are their wives? Why the hell aren’t they having sex with their husbands?
Everything I’ve seen is turning me into a serious cynic in regards to long-term relationships. My own experience has not been encouraging. And my own SELF is possibly the worst factor of all. My feelings burn bright and hot during the honeymoon stage, then I completely lose interest and move on, seeking that next high from a new man. My own feelings are as fickle as can be, and it upsets me, and makes me question if everyone is like this…and why am I like this? I don’t appreciate it in myself at all and it makes me fear for any relationship I might get into. Marriage is inconceivable for me. If I can’t last more than a few months without boring of someone (and I have been close to men of all ages, which I think is an important point), then how could I ever survive a marriage that lasts a lifetime? Everything I see around me is screaming at me that longevity in relationships isn’t possible. It makes me very sad. I would have loved to be with someone forever, but I can’t imagine a world where that could happen. Thoughts?