Things I Used To Believe

I thought pickles were pickles, I didn’t find out they were cucumbers until I was twenty-three.

I thought vegetarians only ate vegetables until I was probably sixteen.

I thought Michael Jackson was white until I was a teenager.

I thought it was illegal to drink ANYTHING, and drive.

I thought the Arby’s sign was a giant weirdly-drawn cowboy hat, and it took me years to figure out why they said “I’m thinkin’ Arby’s” when they had that hat floating above their heads.

Until I was probably thirteen, I always wondered what honeydew melons had to do with the list Mom would make for dad on weekends…  “The Honey-Do List”.

I couldn’t figure out why artichoke hearts weren’t red and bloody, while they seemed like a vegetable.

Once in a grammar book I came across the word “sandwich”, and told my mom they spelled “witch” wrong, and what was a sand witch anyway??  I thought it was samwich.

I couldn’t understand why it was okay to eat grapes when I was little, but not drink wine.

I thought sheep, dogs, etc. were born with docked tails.

I thought my mom was joking when she said she made me a baloney sandwich…for years I heard it in the phrase, “What a bunch of baloney!” and thought it was only a word.

My friends were baffled when I said I’d never heard of Ramen Noodles.  We called it Itchy Bon.

I thought coleslaw was Cold Slaw.

It dawned on me at twenty-three that pancakes are called that because they’re cakes made in a pan.

When I was little we went to TCBY and I pointed out “Ice Cream Sundae” on the menu and told my mom they spelled Sunday wrong.

I was in my late teens when I asked for those “special” giant marshmallows…only then did I discover that all my life I’d been eating miniature marshmallows without knowing it.

I was baffled that a family friend wanted to eat at an Indian restaurant…he wasn’t an Indian!

I was confused when I ate corned beef for the first time and there was no corn.

I thought lobsters at seafood restaurants were like fish at the dentist’s office…  Thankfully I figured it out on my own and never had my little heart crushed when I was young.

Advertisements

One thought on “Things I Used To Believe

  1. Hilarious, but my favorite: “I thought it was illegal to drink ANYTHING, and drive.”

    Yes.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s