Six Things You Wish You’d Never Done
- Given naked pictures to my ex. I had promised myself that I would never do that. I convinced myself we were going to end up together…probably because he was the only guy I thought would ever want me. I can never take back what I did and it not only hurts me, but potentially the man I end up with, as well.
- Started having cyber sex with guys I didn’t care about. I love cybering with friends, and obviously within romantic relationships, but somewhere along the line I just started seeking out guys to slake my lust and it only made me feel cheap, besides already having no self-esteem. It stopped being about horniness and started being about worthlessness. Now when a guy doesn’t use me for sexual things, I feel rejected and “wrong”.
- Abandoned my friends. It started when I was seventeen and the pattern has spiraled out of control. Originally I did it because I couldn’t handle them knowing my life wasn’t perfect. It’s morphed into a lot of other reasons since then, the obvious one being I am, myself, afraid of abandonment. It hurts everyone, including me, but I don’t know where to find the courage to stop.
- Gained weight. Since I was a pre-teen, I’ve thought I was grossly overweight. Thing was, my hip bones poked out from a perfectly flat tummy. I believe I had Body Dysmorphic Disorder, because as I finally began gaining weight later in my teens, I didn’t notice at all. What I saw in the mirror had looked like 220 for as long as I could remember, so I never noticed my body catching up with that vision of myself until it was far too late.
- Didn’t have a graduation photo taken. I had braces and wanted to wait until they were off to go for pictures. Then my parents divorced and needless to say, the pictures never happened. I wish I had something nice to mark that milestone in my life. My School Days frame is filled with all the little yearly pictures, but the big center one is blank.
- Went into debt. Even while I was working overtime every week, I still usually spent more money than I made, and now it’s come back to bite me. The guilt is horrible and the prospect of paying it all back extremely bleak.
Here’s Daddy’s list…
6 Things I Wish I’d Never Done
- I wish I’d never looked up Daddy/Babygirl stuff when you had expressly articulated that Daddy/Babygirl was something you wanted to talk about first.
- I wish I wouldn’t have been so oblivious that night you came back from your counselors. My being oblivious and tactless led to much pain for you. I wish I’d had better timing.
- On the same night, I wish I hadn’t kept you up past when you wanted to go to bed. You stayed up because you care about me, but I wish I’d never put you in that position.
- I wish I hadn’t broken things off so abruptly with S. I don’t regret breaking things off with her. But I wish I hadn’t broken things off the way I did.
- I wish I’d never fallen apart when you needed me. I’m comfortable falling apart and breaking down with you, but NOT when you are breaking down too.
- I wish I’d never hurt you. It’s part of growing, and I know that. But I still hate each and every time I hurt you.