Day Four – Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot

  1. My Daddy.  I talk to him all the time so it’s not like I get a chance to think about him too often, but when he’s gone, I certainly do.  I miss him when he’s at class and sometimes leave a few pages of Skype messages for when he gets back, depending on how hyper I am.  :D
  2. Personal issues.  I’ve been on a major journey of self-discovery the past year or so.  New realizations, old memories, and deeper issues are always popping up or pouring down.  When I’m not thinking about the ones I’m already dealing with, something unexpected smacks me in the face.  It’s been a very, very rough year, but I’m glad I’m finally digging deeper.
  3. Food.  Yeah.  I’m one of those people who thinks about their next meal, during the meal I’m still masticating.
  4. Efficiency.  I know, I’m weird…  But I really do think about this constantly, and it bugs the shnookums outta me when people aren’t efficient.  I was obsessed with this at my last job and it’s crossed over into my personal life, now.  I put the DVD in before I go to stick my food in the microwave, so the previews will be done by the time I come to sit down.  I take the cheese out of the fridge before I touch anything else, so it’ll melt faster by the time I get my meal ready.  I organized my little bathroom bin into rows, so each item is in line in the order I need it.  Those are the less embarrassing ones…
  5. The purpose of life.  Wondering if there is one.  Wondering if it’s universal or if everyone has to find their own.  Wondering, if there is a purpose (or purposes), how does one find it, especially if it’s individual?  What makes one person’s chosen purpose good enough?  What really matters in life?
  6. Escape.  No, I don’t mean on vacation.  My depression, among other things, makes me feel very hopeless about life on a fairly regular basis, and while I am doing much better than I was last year, the thought is still quite prevalent, even if no steps are currently being taken.
  7. God.  I have a lot of anger and hurt and resentment with Him.  I started questioning His very existence for the first time this year, and haven’t been able to pray, since.  I’ve lost my fear of offending Him and lately my most frequent thought is that if He is out there somewhere, He’s a sadistic asshole.  I’d like to believe otherwise, but right now, I just can’t.

Aaaand, Daddy’s list!

7 Things that Cross My Mind a Lot 

  1. My Baby. She crosses my mind a LOT. Something cute happens and I think of her. Something scary happens, and I think of her. Something funny happens, and I think of her. Something sad happens, and I think of her. I feel upset, I think of her. I feel happy, I think of her. I feel anxious, I think of her. Noticing a pattern?
  2. My old friends. I miss many of them, and I want to visit them. Many things happen that remind me of them, a story involving them, just a lot of memories there.
  3. My new friends. It is difficult for me to think of my old friends without the new coming to mind as well. I feel a bit of anxiety (just thought of Baby) over making new friends, trying to form relationships without being too creepy or overbearing (because yes, I can be rather assertive and insistent) but at the same time expressing how I feel. So that crosses my mind a lot.
  4. Work. Or, more appropriate, money. I dislike my current financial situation and how it is affecting me, so I think about it often.
  5. Expanding that one a bit, I actually think about life a LOT. I just sit and ponder and think, philosophize, and dream. I think about my own life, how I’ve dealt with things, how I am dealing with things, and how I’ve turned out. I wonder where I’m going, and think about where I want to go (thought of Baby there). I think about what I have, and what I don’t have. I ponder on what I need vs what I want (Baby again), and why. I self-explore, and love looking at how I relate to the world around me. And at the end of the thought, I realize… I’m WEIRD. (Baby)
  6. I daydream. I have some common daydreams about what I’d do if I won the lottery, if I had superpowers, how my funeral might look if I died and who would show up (that’s kinda morbid, I know. Just to be clear, I have no desire to die). I don’t know if I daydream more often or any deeper than “normal people”, but I do know I daydream a LOT.
  7. Not to be incredibly sappy (which means this is going to be incredibly sappy), but I do actually think about love and happiness a lot. This is a bit of a repeat of 5, but more focused. I think about life, tis true. But I also spend a significant amount of time thinking about love and happiness. What makes people happy? What does love look like? Am I happy? What makes me happy? (Baby) If you haven’t figure out, I like to think a LOT. I like to just THINK. No really end goal of trying to figure out a problem or solution, I just like to let my mind wander and see where it goes. And the previous list is where it goes most often.

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